"When I am a teenager I shall dye my hair purple, With red high heels that give me blisters and I can't walk in properly."
"Now my body was broken and I was the one being looked after."
"M is for more coffee"
"I want to be declared Star of the Week! All that time I'm putting in to focusing on letter formation and phonic blends... I deserve a class clap and a rainbow emoji goddamnit!"
I sit in the shadows - waiting for the sound of breathing to become deep and even so I can creep out - and let my magic chair whisk me away.
If my child is being cared for by someone else all day, what will I use to excuse all my failures?
"Sorry for all the times I hung too many heavy bags on your back and when she leapt out you fell over."
"Digging for treasure, juggling pheasants, playing the trumpet." What does your child really get up to at school?
"Once I became Miss Butterfly Unicorn and remembered to call her Princess Sparkle Jewel, she would do whatever I asked her to."
"When Grandma stuck her head out of the frontdoor wearing a mask over her face, Little Red Riding Hood did think her ears were looking rather larger and furrier than usual."