"I am not judgin'. But for me the missin' G is not about speakin'. It's just about spellin'."
"Sometimes I've said yes to as many as six impossible things before breakfast - because I wasn't actually listening."
"Children so quickly outgrow things that when you see a friend about to be sucked into the blackhole that is new parenthood, you want to help. (It's not at all driven by a selfish motive to clear out all the redundant kit cluttering up your house.)"
"When I am a teenager I shall dye my hair purple, With red high heels that give me blisters and I can't walk in properly."
"Now my body was broken and I was the one being looked after."
"M is for more coffee"
"I want to be declared Star of the Week! All that time I'm putting in to focusing on letter formation and phonic blends... I deserve a class clap and a rainbow emoji goddamnit!"
I sit in the shadows - waiting for the sound of breathing to become deep and even so I can creep out - and let my magic chair whisk me away.
If my child is being cared for by someone else all day, what will I use to excuse all my failures?
"Sorry for all the times I hung too many heavy bags on your back and when she leapt out you fell over."