"Sometimes I've said yes to as many as six impossible things before breakfast - because I wasn't actually listening."
"When I am a teenager I shall dye my hair purple, With red high heels that give me blisters and I can't walk in properly."
"I want to be declared Star of the Week! All that time I'm putting in to focusing on letter formation and phonic blends... I deserve a class clap and a rainbow emoji goddamnit!"
"Digging for treasure, juggling pheasants, playing the trumpet." What does your child really get up to at school?
Licking marmite smears off children's faces - isn't that what Tiger Moms do?
Dishing out sugary treats as an incentive for your child to do what you ask of them is a rocky road to disaster.
When she shouts, "Never do that again!" it's definitely my fault.
A loud squeal drags me from the story in which I am deeply engrossed. I look over at my child but to my relief it is a squeal of laughter and not an altercation which I am required to referee. My gaze lingers for a moment as I pause briefly to consider if I should …
"Are you happy?", my daughter asks me as I pick up pieces of broken egg off the floor. Kneeling at her feet I stoop to scoop up the cold gloop which is slowly spreading over the kitchen floor, a scrambled mess of yolk, white and shattered shell. "No, I am not happy," I reply. I …
"Share Mummy?", my toddler asks pleadingly with her head on one side. "Please?" She is holding a plastic spoon smeared with semi-cemented Weetabix, thrusting it towards me as she eyes my bowl of muesli, a somewhat forced grimace plastered on her face, which she believes to be appealing. "What you actually are asking me to …