Awards Season 2018 – Oscar Nominations for Toddlers

Awards season has a very serious tone to it this year, and all for the right reasons.  But while Nursery Whines fully supports the #TimesUp movement, there is no harm in a little light relief

And so we come to the Toddler Oscars.  These little divas put their heart and soul into providing attention-grabbing performances in every aspect of their lives. Eating, sleeping, being – life is one big show for a toddler, and all eyes must be on them.

Child drinking from a straw next to a decorative bowl of golden baubles
Awards season is all glitz, glamour and parties (Nursery Whines)

If trophies were handed out for these daily displays of drama and entertainment, these are the categories which should be most recognised.

Award for the Best Excuse to Delay Bedtime
The creativity, the initiative and the game-planning that goes into trying to stay up is a Toddler art form in itself.  Asking for the longest book they own, wanting that special toy they have surely pre-emptively hidden somewhere, needing a drink, seeing monsters in the shadows and appealing for just one last cuddle… The toddler bedtime routine is the equivalent of the gushing Oscars speech that rambles on far too long. If only we could just cue the orchestra and cut them off.

Child holding a pie e of chocolate
The Award for Eating Your Greens Goes To… (Nursery Whines)

Award for the Most Dragged-Out Meal
It’s a wonder that these creatures with so little patience for anything else are able to sit defiantly at the table for eternity, while they refuse to eat one tiny crumb of vegetable in exchange for a bribe of some unhealthy follow-up treat.  On second thoughts it is not the Toddlers who deserve recognition here, but the parents who must endure these sit-ins with them, summoning all their strength not to give up and let them win.

Award for the Biggest Mess
Able to turn a reasonably organised space into absolute chaos and destruction within a few minutes of distraction, the Toddler’s achievements in this field cannot be ignored.  The turned-out handbag, the far-flung bowl of soup which splattered the ceiling, the unattended make-up that now decorates the bedroom walls or the toys scattered into every conceivable corner and crevice – which display of destruction will take home the trophy at this year’s ceremony?

Award for the Best Pee
There can surely be no audience more adoring and rapturous than that of the toilet-training parent when their child manages to pee in the right place for the first time.  From then on praise must be heaped on the potty pupil in order to encourage them to keep up their new-found skill.  Parents must pretend to be delighted by every bowel movement that appears in the potty.  Just like the short-listed star who has lost out to their rival when the camera cuts to their close-up – cue grins through gritted teeth and overly-enthusiastic applause.

Toddler running towards the camera roaring with jaws open wide and teeth on display
This diva knows how to make themself heard (Nursery Whines)

Award for the Most Impactive Public Scream
The shriek that can pierce a bustling supermarket, a crowded playground, a packed train, the sound barrier… the screech of a Toddler in protest. It has the power to reduce the strongest of parent to a gibbering wreck, submitting to all demands as they desperately drag them away from the scene of the crime, shaking with embarrassment.  The memory of those moments linger on for at least a year. No show-reel reminders required.

Award for the Best Tantrum
An area of Toddler talent that is always in the spotlight, it cannot be overlooked.  However, whittling down an annual shortlist for this category – for one Toddler alone – would be almost impossible. Not to mention the ensuing tantrums from the nominees who miss out on the gong. Perhaps this is an award for which every Toddler is a winner.

Award for Best Performance In A Supporting Role
Let us not forget the little people.  This award acknowledges the parents.  Our lead stars may not remember to say thank you very often, but we still deserve a pat on the back and a night out partying once a year.

Sleeping child curled up on a sofa
Such an effortless performance deserves special recognition (Nursery Whines)

Special Lifetime Achievement Award for Sleeping All Night And Lying In
The most important gong of the night. The one which causes the whole audience to rise in standing ovation, whooping and cheering in celebration.  Remaining in their own bed and then allowing the household to all enjoy a little extra languish beneath the duvet on a weekend morning. That is an achievement worth commemorating.

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16 thoughts on “Awards Season 2018 – Oscar Nominations for Toddlers

  1. Bed times are the awful at the moment. My son is fast asleep in minutes but my daughter goes on and on and on….. It’s killing me! Thank you for sharing with #StayCLassyMama It has really made me chuckle and brightened a very dull morning. Thank you x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rhyming with Wine

    Haha this is brilliant! The bed time one made me chortle out loud. Our two spend all day giggling at the word “bottom” but once you tuck them into bed they have a sudden urge to discuss global warming and / or Darwin’s theory of evolution! There really should be awards for these skills! 😂 Thanks for linking to #DreamTeam x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Haha brilliant, this made me laugh. Most Impactive Public Scream is a very polite way of saying it. Unfortunately, my children will never win the last one as their idea of a lie in is getting up at 7.15 rather than 7 🙂 #globalblogging

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  4. Pingback: #StayClassyMama 88 - White Camellias

  5. Accidental Hipster Mum

    Hahaha I love this! I don’t think I’m being delighted enough for potty training, yesterday my son pood in his hand and passed to me . FML!

    #RVHT thanks for linking up!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Bahahahaha brilliant! I wish these were real, we would have shelves groaning with awards, my two must have won these a million times over and then some! I think you should start it, with prizes being spa weekends for the parents. Thanks for linking up to the #bigpinklink this week.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Global Blogging #44 - One Messy Mama

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