10 Suggested Additions To The ASQ 24 Month Developmental Check

Any parent who has bothered to read the questionnaire for their child’s 24 month developmental check, will have found themselves baffled by series of hoops through which their toddler is expected to jump in order to satisfy the Health Visitor. Not metaphorical hoops. Literal ones.

Confronted by questions such as, ‘After a raisin is dropped into a clear plastic bottle, does your child turn the bottle upside down to tip out the raisin? Do not show them how.’ Or ‘Can your child string small items such as pasta or beads onto a string or shoelace?’

Perhaps you set aside an hour every day to play Retrieve The Raisin or Thread The Pasta with your child, and the answers were a no-brainer. Or maybe you thought – Now I’ve got to find an empty plastic bottle… and some raisins… and get my child to sit still… and I’ll need to get a pen that works… and not lose this flipping questionnaire… and where in hell am I going to find a shoelace from?

Child wearing sunglasses upside down
Can your child put on a pair of sunglasses correctly? (Nursery Whines)

When you go and sit down with the Health Visitor and go through the questionnaire, they will be able to see for themselves the reality of who your child is.

Or it could be that the questionnaire in its current form is just not thorough and complicated enough.

Here are some suggestions to ensure an intensive and comprehnsive developmental check of all toddlers.

1. Is your child able to eat a yoghurt without getting any on their face, clothes, the floor, your hair?

Always      Often      Sometimes      Never

Child playing with a toy kitchen
Can your child cook a three course meal? (Nursery Whines)

2. Can your child steal your phone, without you realising, and manage to call an elderly relative, resulting in a lengthy conversation involving only the word, “Hello”?

Always      Often      Sometimes      Never

3. Does your child replace every toy and book back in its original place immediately after using it, leaving the room they have been playing in immaculate?

Always      Often      Sometimes      Never

4. Does your child manage to secrete small items, such as keys or remote controls, in unfathomable places around the house, leaving you at a loss as to where on earth they could be?

Always      Often      Sometimes      Never

Child scribbling on a blackboard
E=mc2 of course! (Nursery Whines)

5. Put one leg behind your head whilst simultaneously singing Supercalifragalisticexpealidocious. If you ask your child to do the same are they able to without prompting?

Always      Often      Sometimes      Never

6. Is your child able to build their own Christmas presents out of dried pasta and egg boxes?

Always      Often      Sometimes      Never

7. Does your child sleep all night, wake at a reasonable hour and then make you breakfast in bed?

Always      Often      Sometimes      Never

Child taking balls out of a ballpool
“I put them all in there, you can put them away yourself” (Nursery Whines)

8. Can your child identify at least three members of the cast of Suits without any help?

Always      Often      Sometimes      Never

9. Is your child able to do French plaits?

Always      Often      Sometimes      Never

10. Can your child fold their Developmental Questionnaire into an origami model of a flamingo and chat to the Health Visitor while you sit in the corner sipping a cappuccino and reading a magazine?

Always      Often      Sometimes      Never

Child watching a Tai Chi class
Looks like a lot of effort to me (Nursery Whines)
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