It can be hard being the mature and sensible one.
Calmly consoling a hysterical toddler, whose world has just ended because they didn’t get whole packet of biscuits, by trying to point out they could at least enjoy the two they do have. Or sagely advising that the park will still be there tomorrow and it may be rather unnecessary to suffer a total collapse just because it is time to go home.
Trying not to laugh is bad enough. But it can be a tough old trek on the high road.
For once I would like to be the one who throws all my toys out of the pram, lies face down on the floor kicking and thumping and screams, “No!!!”
If I was the one who had ferocious frenzies every time something didn’t go my way, I could find plenty of things to get worked up about.
Here are just a few of my pet peeves that would trigger a tantrum if I only could.
Being Woken Up Before 6.30am
Remember when you were a teenager and that irritating Old Bag used to pop a warm brew by your bed and chirrup, “Time to get up now darling,”, how good it felt to pull the duvet over your head and yell, “Bugger off!”? Well, I do still do that now. But then I drag myself out of bed and go and chirrup, “Good morning!”, at my own little darling. I wonder if my mother also festers with resentment to this day.
Being Put On Hold
The hours I have spent listening to monotonous pop tunes crackle out of my speaker phone, only to politely kowtow to the call centre worker who answers and apologise to them for my noisy toddler.
I am not sorry. Her screams are nothing compared to the bitter venom I am choking back.
When You’ve Waited Forever For A Bus And The Buggy Space Is Full
What would be the ideal way to react to this? Scream at the bus driver for not having a bigger bus?! Tell the wheelchair user, “This is MY bus! I saw it first!”? Force your way onto the bus anyway and refuse to let go of the pole?
No, all you can do is shrug your shoulders and look miserably at the sign that says the next bus is in 14 minutes in an attempt to make everyone else feel guilty.
Having To Read The Same Story For The Hundredth Time
Imagine the scene. Peepo hits the wall and slides down into a corner on the opposite side of the sitting room. “NO!”, I scream. “I can NOT read that story again! Anything but that!” My daughter blinks in meek amazement at my reaction and for the first time since she learned to talk finds herself lost for words.
But I must not stoop to her level. And so after my distraction tactic of We’re Going On A Bear Hunt fails, I read Peepo for the 26th time in a row. That day.
Waiting For Pasta To Boil
Pasta is meant to be THE quick and easy meal. So why, when the Witching Hour has begun and your cranky toddler is famished and furious, does 10 minutes seem like an eternity?!
No need for tantrums though, I have found the solution – frozen pasta. Cook a big batch of pasta, freeze it flat in zip-lock bags, and when you need it in a hurry pour boiling water from the kettle over it or stick it in the microwave. Pasta in 30 seconds – rejoice!
You’re binge watching a boxset and it’s getting really good. But it’s already five to 10, way past your bedtime and you just can’t start another episode because you need to get some sleep before you are called to the cot-side in the dark and cold. You know you have to get to bed. But you want to stay up.
You could shout your objections and cling onto the sofa in protest. But it’s just not worth the energy. So you take the high road up to bed.