The Curse Of The Autumn Birthday

My world has been rocked by a shocking revelation.

I have only just realised that my daughter will not start school for another three and a half years.

Call me naive, but as I have friends whose three-year-olds are preparing to start Primary School this September, I thought it would only be a couple of years before my own child was off my hands for five full days every week.

Only they have August birthdays. I gave birth in October.

I had been led to believe an Autumn birthday was a good thing for parents. Among the eldest in their year, your children are more emotionally mature and therefore do better at school – so you have slightly less to worry about.

Why does nobody present you with the figures up front?

Your child’s fulltime education itinerary should come with your due date (Nursery Whines)

When I went for my first antenatal appointment and they calculated my due date, I really should have been presented with a full calendar chart right there and then. In order that I might have been able to begin resigning myself to the fact this child would be under my feet for practically another five years!

But if you’re lucky enough to pop your sprog out on August 31st, they’ll whip it away into fulltime education before the smoke has even had a chance to clear from the four candles on their latest birthday cake.

Granted all children currently get 15 hours free childcare a week when they turn three. But again those blessed August 31st babies get theirs the second they turn three, while the cursed Autumn birthday children must wait until January, even if they are just a day younger. And then they stay in Pre-School for 20 months – eight months longer than a Summer birthday kid.

No wonder they are more emotionally mature! They must know the Pre-School routine so well by then they could apply for a job on the staff.

And in the meantime – we poor Parents of Autumn birtdays are left having to fill the void that is every weekday afternoon.

Pre-School education is as much for the parent as it is for the child (Nursery Whines)

Children with Autumn birthdays must have to learn so many more games. They probably teach themselves to read in order to try relieve the boredom.

Is there a limit to how much time you can spend in a public library, or can they ask you to leave if you visit every weekday afternoon from midday to 3pm?

Of course, there is no reason my daughter’s Pre-School education be limited to her own entertainment and development. If I am the one who has to administer the curriculum, then it is only fair I set the agenda.

We’ll start with massage classes. And dusting is obviously an important life skill.

Is she too young for cocktail making?

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